Friday, February 18, 2011

on being a mother

Claude Monet, Woman with parasol, 1875

I am not a mushy person...all the lovey-dovey, touchy-feely stuff makes my palms a little sweaty and makes my neck itch.

Please not I did not say that I'm not an affectionate, sensitive and emotional person...I'm just not very comfortable talking about it...or here in the bloggy world, writing about my feelings in a beautiful, touching, descriptive way...

Some bloggers definitely are and I LOVE following along with them as they pour out their hearts...I'm just not capable of doing it...ok I'm not willing or comfortable doing it...
but I'm SO glad they do...I think we all need that in our lives.
These are some of my favorites to read...until they make me tear up...
A Holy Experience
A Life in Grace  
I could name soooo many others!

Now that I'm a mother...oh my gosh...inside I'm a sappy, mushy mess!
and I'm afraid that it's not just's like, a new way of seeing the world...a new way of life.

I never understood how much my parents love me until my son was born.  I never knew I could love anything this much.  I can honestly feel the love I have for him.  I ache when he isn't near, my heart weeps when he cries and I can't breathe when he smiles at me.  He makes up for every negative thing that has ever happened in my life. 
Raphael, Small Cowper Madonna, 1505

I wish I could hug my mother's and father's necks and tell them how grateful I am for them every day for the rest of their lives for loving me like that for my entire life.

William Bougeureau, Mother and child, 1887
I definitely never understood parenthood like I do now...and I've only been a mother for a short time. 
Occasionally I come across different things that really knock me in the face with it...
...things that put into words what I'm just beginning to feel.

Gustav Klimt, Mother and Child  (from The Three Ages of Women), 1905

My momma sent me this email the other day about all the dedication and sacrafices that go into raising children...and how it is all soooo worth it.
Pablo Picasso,  Mother and child, 1921

While visiting the blog A Holy Experience the other day I came across this post that made me realize even more how difficult being a mother will be...not the diapers or crying or sleepless nights...
but the letting go of a child...
allowing him to be...without me.
the idea is terrifying and I ache just thinking about it...
so if you can relate to MUST read this post...
because it helps me breathe, even if just for a little bit when I get so wound up with the anticipation of seeing my baby grow up into a boy and eventually a man...
who doesn't need his mommy anymore... least not in the same ways he does now.
Caleb and I on October 10, 2010

Ok so that's it for my mushiness for least the next three months...

1 comment:

  1. I think I need to see sweet little Caleb asap. Just remember, we don't want our boys to grow up, because then we will have two versions of Jordan and Bud. I am not sure we can handle it yet. I mean we can't keep the big boys from fighting what on earth will we do with the little ones :)