It has been a long time since I've been here... since I've "blogged".
And that is part of the reason why... you see, I'm not a blogger.
There are a lot of things that I'm not.
I'm not a sorority sister,
I'm not a size 4,
I'm not a marathon runner,
I'm not a photographer,
I'm not a social butterfly,
I'm not especially pretty,
I'm not outgoing,
I'm not a member of the Junior League,
I'm not part of a big, important family in my small town,
I'm not June Cleaver,
I'm not Martha Stewart,
I'm not a lot of things.
And there are a lot of things I wanted to do which I don't.
I'd like to do dressage
I'd like to jump horses
I'd like to have a beautiful garden
I'd like to do only whole eating
I'd like to keep a house like Martha Stewart
I'd like to be on the most liked list
I'd like to be a perfect soccer mom
I'd like to be a sharp dresser
I'd like to have perfectly styled hair every day
I'd like to be fit and thin and healthy
I'd like to be a good dancer
I'd like to be a good singer
I'd like to be a piano player
I'd like to be well traveled
I'd like to be well read
I'd like to do yoga everyday
There are a lot of things I'd like to do but I don't.
And that is fine.
Please don't underestimate that last sentence.
It is harder to believe than it is to say or type.
I've spent so much time worrying about what I'm not and what I don't that I have a difficult time seeing what I am and what I do.
I am a doctor.
I can do a beautiful perineal urethrostomy and save a child's cat that she got as a gift from from her grandmother.
I can remove a tumor from a dog's leg before it metastisizes to her lungs.
I can see the inside of a dogs heart to find diseased mitral valves and place him on medications to give he and his elderly owner more time with each other.
I can help a man say goodbye and end the suffering of his late wife's beloved poodle, who he has cared for and loved as his own for the years following her death.
I am a mother.
I can calm my screaming infant with one embrace.
I can dry my toddler's tears with a few words and a kiss.
I can hear my son's voice in the midst of a class full of children.
I can get a smile with one tickle or grin.
I can tell what by babies want and need when others cannot understand them.
I am a wife
and a sister
and a daughter
and a friend.
I am enough to those people.
I have wasted far too much time and tears and energy comparing myself to and trying to be other people. But I am already enough.
I won't have an interesting blog to strangers, maybe not to even some of those people who I know. But I don't care anymore. I'll post when I feel like it and I'll write what I feel like. No more trying to be something I'm not when there are people who already love me for who and what I am. I'd rather be loved by a handful than liked by a bunch of strangers.
So that's where I've been for a while.
Now maybe I can find our camera cord... there has been a lot going on in our lives!
9 hours ago